Tips for Coping with Mixed Emotions

Recently I was approached by a friend that works for a local university and asked if I would be willing to teach a few courses in their undergraduate psych program. I answered yes almost immediately and was super excited to start looking at textbooks and start building these courses. I have taught before, but due to the circumstances I was pretty much handed the course and didn’t really get to make it my own. This was my chance to build this class from scratch and make it my own, and the prospect was exciting.

The weeks went by and the quest for textbooks hit some bumps, and finally now about 6 weeks after I was initially approached to teach, the syllabus was due to the school and I attended my first training on learning how to use the software for online courses. And the unmitigated excitement has turned into waves of pure anxiety. All the what ifs start swirling, what if I don’t know what I’m talking about? What if the students think I’m an idiot? What if the university thinks I’m an idiot? What if I make a fool of myself? And on and on and on the questions go. Slowly this thing I once had so much excitement for now seems big and scary and part of me wants to run and hide.

How does that happen? How can we have such excitement, joy, and eagerness to take on a new adventure, only to have it suddenly change into intense fear bordering on panic? Well the simple answer is that new is often anxiety provoking. When we embark on something new we are leaving our comfort zone and that by nature tends to put us on high alert for everything that could potentially go wrong, and you are putting yourself at risk to fail. But wait what about all the excitement from the beginning? Well that’s pretty simple to, new things can often be exciting, thinking about how you will feel if things go well and the fun you will have in the process.

Now wait a minute, if there are simple answers to both questions then why do I feel so crazy? Well the problem is when both feelings start coming at the same time. Mixed emotions. Mixed emotions are a normal part of life but man they can be confusing and tough to deal with at times. I don’t know about you but there are times when having mixed emotions about a situation makes me feel like I am losing my mind because the emotions are so intensely opposite of each other. There are a few things that seem to work really well for me when my emotions get a little mixed and intense. Here they are in no particular order.

• Remind myself my feelings are valid. My emotions may be mixed and intense at times, but there is a reason I am feeling all the things. I am REALLY excited to teach this winter, and I should be. It’s something new and different where I get to talk about things I love, of course that is exciting. At the same time there are going to be a group of students looking to me as somewhat of an expert on this course content and I never think of myself as an expert in anything and so that can be a stressful position to be in. Of course I’m going to feel some anxiety. Both of those feelings are a valid response to this situation, they just happen to be in opposition to each other.

• Breathe. Sometimes I get myself so worked up over all the stress and excitement of a situation that I forget to breathe. Often times all I need, all any of us need, is to take a few deep breaths. You know the kind that goes all the way into your belly. Deep breathing forces your body to slow down, and works against the fight or flight response that comes with anxiety and causes your breathing to become faster and more shallow. There is a favorite video of mine on YouTube that teaches a super simple breathing exercise. I’ll link that HERE.

• Take it one thing at a time. Whether that thing is one step, one task, or one day at a time, take things as they come. Right now I can’t do anything about the fact that some of my students may not think I am the coolest professor they have ever had. All I can do right now is prepare to teach this class to the best of my ability. Looking over the text and other material etc. I can’t deal with how the students react to me until class has actually started, so I try to remind myself to focus on what I can control now and deal with the rest as it comes.

• Be kind to myself. It is easy to get wrapped up in the tasks that need to get done and wrapped up in simply surviving the anxiety and excitement I am feeling. And when things don’t go as well or as fast as I want it to I start coming down on myself. Which in the end only serves to heighten the angst. In the midst of any of the crazy mixed emotions life throws at me it’s important for me to remember to take a step back and be patient and kind with myself and to take care of myself. Whatever that means to each of you take care of yourselves when things are stressful.

As I continue down this road towards teaching in January and work through the holiday season to get ready, the mixed emotions will continue to rise and fall. The first week of class I will probably spend the first couple of days feeling sick to my stomach and fighting the anxiety using all the things I’ve outlined above. But one thing I always know for sure in these situations that provoke mixed emotions is that I am pushing myself in a new direction and outside of my comfort zone and even though that is uncomfortable I will be a better person on the other side because of it. The only way we grow and change is to get uncomfortable. But the reward is totally worth it.

 *** All images from Google images ***