Here’s the reality of being a therapist, 98% of the time I
absolutely love my job, I love talking with people hearing their stories,
trying to put the puzzle pieces together to get the complete picture. No matter
what happens I think I will always be a therapist in some capacity, I can’t
imagine my life without that being a part of it. At the same time my job is not without its
frustrations. Progress is generally slow because change is difficult and most
people, even if they want it, are somewhat reluctant to do it. People rarely
say thank you for your services, but are more than happy to blame you when
things with them or their children don’t change fast enough. But most days are
pretty uneventful and at times you can feel like you are spinning your wheels.
BUT in between the boring, frustrating, and upsetting moments there are nuggets
of pure gold that remind me why I do what I do. I had one of those this past
week and I want to share it with you and what I learned from it.
“Mary” is a woman in her 20’s who has struggled with anxiety
for most of her life, but it has worsened in the last few years due to a couple
of traumatic events. She currently lives with her parents and wants move out
but has a great deal of anxiety about living alone. “Mary” also spends a lot of
time worrying about what others in her community think of what she is doing. We
have spent a lot of time talking about coping with anxiety and have recently
eased into making a plan for her to move out of her parents’ home and put a
deadline in place.
A couple of weeks ago “Mary” came into my office and in many
ways seemed like a different person, she came in with a stack of apartment
listings in her hand talking about what she liked about some and what she
thought she could afford. “Mary” also made mention that she had accepted a
dinner invitation with a male friend that was significantly older than she was,
despite having concerns about what other would think and say. During our next
session (this past week) “Mary” continued to talk about moving out and wanted
to move up the target move date and that there had been some frustration in
other areas of life but stated she was done with bullshit.
 |
| Sometimes you've had enough |
Towards the end of our session, I asked her what had changed
in her thinking that was spurring all of these changes in decisions and
attitudes. “Mary’s” response was very casual and nonchalant “I don’t know, I’m just
tired of always having to live by other people’s standards. I mean yes some of
these situations have made me anxious, but it’s not going to get better unless
I do things in spite of being anxious.”
It’s not going to get better unless I do things in spite of
being anxious. A seemingly mundane statement, said in casual tone. But in that
moment it was like the heaven’s opened up and the hallelujah chorus started.
She got it!! After weeks of talking about coping with anxiety and how anxiety
works and effects the body she got it!!! She understands that her anxiety,
uncomfortable as it may be, isn’t going to kill her and if she can use her
coping skills to face it she CAN do all the things she wants to do.
I know to some this may seems like an eh interaction and
what’s the big deal. Well let me tell you getting someone to face something
that causes anxiety and fear and to understand that that anxiety and fear isn’t
going to harm them is a GIANT win. It opens up the world to someone with
anxiety, everything that once seemed impossible is NOW possible. It’s like when
you FINALLY got your driver’s license and all of the sudden your world got
bigger and you could do more things and go more places because you had learned
a new skill.
While I was soaring no cloud 9 and enjoying the sheer
happiness I felt for my client and the progress she had made, it caused me to
pause for a moment and think about my own life. It’s no secret that I have had
my own struggles with anxiety, and lord knows it has gotten in the way of me
being able to do the things I want to do. It has gotten substantially better
over the years but it’s still there at a times, and the discomfort of that
anxiety shapes my behavior to a degree.
As I talked with “Mary” about her experiences over the last
couple of weeks and the way she felt as she faced some of these anxiety
triggers, it was a refresher and an inspiration to me to continue to challenge
myself in my own walk with anxiety. To do a check in with myself and make sure
that I was still on top of the anxiety battle and using the skills that I spend
my days teaching to others to better my own life. Sometimes as a therapist you
catch yourself in a “do as I say not as I do moment” we are human too.
These are the golden nuggets of being a therapist, when the
pieces come together for a clients and they start walking out all the things we
have talked about. When they are able to take on the challenges they have
avoided for so long. And yes even the moments when a conversation with a client
inadvertently calls you, as the therapist, on the carpet for the areas of your
life that you need to continue to work on. These cloud 9 moments keep me going
when I feel like I’m beating my head against a wall or getting yelled at for
something that isn’t my fault.
I LOVE being a therapist and this is why. I would also like
to pass this challenge on to you. What are the areas in your life that still
need some fine tuning or work? I challenge you this week to take cue from “Mary”
stand up and face those challenges and know that the as uncomfortable as it may
be, feelings can’t hurt you. Maybe you can face your anxieties or fears head on
and that’s great. But maybe for some of you standing up to those challenges is
reaching out to a friend, family member, or even a professional and saying I want
to change this but can’t do it by myself, that’s as much of a win as anything
else. No matter what it is, just don’t let it keep your world small anymore. J
If you are struggling
with anxiety and don’t know where to start, I would recommend you check out my
review of my new favorite book on the subject, F**k Anxiety HERE. If you feel
like you need to talk to a professional, but don’t know where to start I would
recommend Psychology Today to find someone in your area to get help.
No comments:
Post a Comment